Walking Alone

"For every soul, there is a guardian watching it." The last few days Jared has not been feeling very good. Belle won't leave his side. She just cant get close enough!

Jared went to L.D.S. Hospital alone Tuesday, to get his chemo treatments. I have found a large part of parenting is learning to let go of our children as they learn to walk on their own. We prepare them, encourage them, and hold our breath, as they stand on their own. We want them to not need us, and then hold our breath that they won’t fall without us. It is difficult when you’ve come so close to losing a child, to let go. My days are filled with going backward. Jared was in so many ways, on his own. When he got sick in December he would not even let me go to InstaCare with him. For three and a half months, I have almost not left his side. At the same time, I marvel at the man before me as he evolves and changes. The other day he almost lost his lunch. Lisa said, “Bro, are you O.K.?” Jared responded, “Yes, I do this all the time." He never complains, or asks for help. It is his new life, to quietly expect to be sick, and at times, weak. My son, who is becoming a man, has accepted dealing with the effects of chemo, which are:

•    Appetite Changes

•    Bleeding Problems

•    Fatigue (Feeling Weak and Very Tired)

•    Hair Loss

•    Infection

•    Memory Changes

•    Nausea and Vomiting

•    Nerve Changes

•    Pain

These effects are part of his everyday life. The doctors have explained to Jared that recovery is his job, for now.

The little boy that once cried and hung on to me when he was sick, now with a grateful heart accepts what it takes to recover. My little boy who looked to me for comfort and direction, now turns to his Heavenly Father. He now understands his life is in his Fathers hands. When he faced death he did not walk alone. He understands, God sees the whole eternal picture. Faith is believing Heavenly Father sees the whole picture. It’s knowing he loves each of us more than we can conceive. Faith is believing the path before us to designed to lead us home. Faith is letting go when you are terrified because you don’t know what will come next. Faith is letting your child stand alone. Faith is letting them go to chemo alone! 

On Monday, May 5th, Jared will be admitted to L.D.S. Hospital again. For the next two months Jared will be going to the hospital every two weeks for five to seven days. How long will depend on the lab tests. To say the least, Jared in not very excited, but he will be strong. He will not complain, but he will be grateful.