There Must Be A Mistake

Jared told me a week before he got sick he prayed to Heavenly Father and asked that if someone in our family was going to be sick he wanted it to be him. The whole month of December we were all sick, from what we thought was the flu. Jared’s neck swelled, and he was even sicker than the rest of us.  I told him that he should go to InstaCare. He told me he was an adult and didn’t need his mommy to go with him. Jared went and the Dr.'s said that what he had was probably an infection, mono, Leukemia, or cancer. I was so angry. Why would they say that to a 18 year old without a parent there? He said as soon as he heard it he knew he had cancer, he knew he had Leukemia. I told him I was sure he didn’t have cancer.

It was going to be a lean Christmas this year, but no one seemed to care. Kristina was coming home from BYU Hawaii, and Aaron was coming home from Virginia. “All I want for Christmas is for our family to be together”, Jared would say. I have six children. Two birth children and four adopted children. The adopted children were like a second family. My two girls were from Romania, and the boys were from Samoa. 

It was difficult getting ready for Christmas company, when I felt so sick. The flu had turned into asthma. We had heard of others who had also had the flu last for a month. Even though we were all ill, it was still wonderful to have a full house.  Afterwards it was sad to see them go their separate ways. 

One night Jared said something was wrong with the side of his face. It was like he had gone to the dentist and he had no feeling on the left side of his face. Still he refused to let me go with him to InstaCare. He said, he didn’t want me to worry. Didn’t he understand I worried more at home, not knowing what was happening.  I was upset because I had questions, and no answers! I felt that as a mother of six I knew what to ask the doctor. I’m sure he thought I would make it into a big deal.  The Dr. at InstaCare said it was Bell’s Palsy, caused by an infection. He started on medication, but I couldn’t get him to rest. Kristina, my daughter at BYU Hawaii, would say, “Mom just make him rest!” I laughed and said, “how, with handcuffs and duck tape?” Jared would say to me, "I know my body better than anyone. I know what it needs. I will not let this slow me down!” On Sunday January 12 Jared wrote on face book, “It's been a LONG TIME COMING... But I've started my MISSION PAPERS. ONE OF THE GREATEST DAYS OF MY LIFE.”

On Monday January 13, Jared went to the gym worked out for three hours, and went to work. About five o’clock that night, the other side of his face had paralysis. He was very upset when he called me. I told him to go to InstaCare. I begged him to come and get me, because I didn’t have a car at home. Again he reassured me he was a big boy. Two friends at work gave him a blessing. He called me on the way sobbing in fear. I still could not convince him to come and get me. I was so scared! This was the fourth time Jared went to InstaCare. The nurse practitioner said, ”What are doing here again?” As soon as he heard about Jared’s face, he sent him to the emergency room. I tried calling Jared, and sending text messages to find out what was going on, but his phone was dead. I couldn’t think. How could he think this would be easier for me? Finally I got a text from his friend. Instacare sent him to the Emergency Room. I was done being the obedient mother! I just wanted to be with my son! Another friend came in the house. Jared friends knew they were always welcome here, so there was no need to knock. Fuzzy said, “Jared wanted me to come and tell you he’s at the ER, and his phone is dead. He doesn’t want you to worry”.

I explained to Fuzzy it was torture for me not to be with Jared. I asked him if he would give me a ride. When I walked in the room; Jared said, “I didn’t want you to worry”. I explained I was more worried at home, not being with him. I took his hand, and he looked up and said, “Thanks for coming”. The doctor walked in the room and said, “Are you mom?” “Yes” I explained, “when I have a really, really dark tan we look just alike”. We laughed. The doctor told me, “I have a feeling it’s an infection, but I want to be safe so lets do a biopsy in his neck”. This news was terrifying, and at the same time I was relieved that we would finally have answers.

On Tuesday January 14, Jared wrote on face book, “Last night was rough.. Went to the ‘ER’ for 5 hours and had a CT Head Scan and a CT Neck scan. I've lost all feeling and movement in my entire face. The doctors aren't sure of what I have. If it's Bell's palsy I have a 1 in 5 Million cases of a very unusual Bells Palsy. It could be a Serious Case of mono but my blood tests show I've already had mono before. I couldn't be more positive than I am right now. I know if I put my trust in The Lord I can and will overcome this. "For Every Set Back, God Has A Major Comeback" thank you to all my friends and family. You all keep me smiling inside.”

I took him to get his biopsy. In the car he said, “Thanks for coming with me”. “Son I always wanted to come with you”, I said. A mother can usually sense if her child is in trouble. I felt completely calm, like everything would be alright. As Jared was being prepared for the Biopsy, he received a text that, Brian, a friend in Southern Utah had passed away from Leukemia.  The boy had fought it for a year and a half. The fight had been very difficult for the family, and left the family indebt. That night I was so upset at Jared when he got ready to go play basketball. I said, “You just had minor surgery. The doctor said no strenuous activities”. “Mom, this is basketball it not strenuous”, he replied. Jared is a wild man on the basketball court. The church team told him to take it easy. He said, “Come on, let me play. I don’t know when I’m going to be able to play again!” They couldn’t say no to  that.

 On Wednesday January 15, Jared wrote on face book, “There are times in life when we ask God, why me? What did I do wrong? In life you'll go through disappointment no matter what. For those of you who have endured hardship don't give up. Rough times will come but not to stay but to pass. Believe with all of your heart that you will do what you were made to do.”

The night after the biopsy Jared came to me and said, “I told Heavenly Father I was ready, I know I have Leukemia. Would you please shave my head?” I was so mad at him. I said, “I will shave your head, but it’s an infection.” The next morning Jared was so sick. I called the doctor’s office and talked to the nurse. They had not received any news about the biopsy. I told her Jared was getting sicker by the minute. Fifteen minutes later the doctor called me back. I can still hear his words, “I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but Jared has lymphoma. They are waiting for you at the Cancer Center at the American Fork Hospital. 

Catherine        Ginger

You need to go there as soon as soon as you can.” I thought, how do I tell him. Then I realized he already knew. I said, “You were right Jared you have cancer. Go get ready to go to the hospital. We will be there for a while. So pack a shaving kit, and some clothes”. There were no tears no panic. As we got to the car, I remembered something I had forgotten. I told Jared I’d be right back. The minute I was in the house, away from Jared’s view I called Catherine, my closet friend. All I could say is ,”He has it! He has cancer! I can’t talk he’s waiting in the car. I’ll call you when I can”. Jared took a seat in the waiting room, and I went to the front desk. They handed me a clipboard to fill out papers. I said, “Can I just stand here for a minute”. I couldn’t stop the tears, and I didn’t want him to see me crying. I needed to be calm for him. Once I had control again, I returned to the waiting room. Jared was texing his sister  and his friends. They showed us into a room, to explain more about what the results of the biopsy.

 It was so surreal. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. A few words made it through the fog. Lymphoma…might be leukemia…a very aggressive…fast moving cancer…six week hospital stay…six months intense chemo… three years of treatments. My mind was racing… The only two people I knew that had leukemia died. My cousin said they had no cure…a positive attitude might prolong death. But that was twenty five years ago! But, but Brian just died after a horrible year and a half fight. 

How could this happen, he is so healthy. He’s the Energizer Bunny never stopping…surely there’s been a mistake. The nurse said, “are you alright? You look like you’re in shock?” I heard this voice in my head yelling, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? A half hour ago I was told my son had cancer! NO I’M NOT ALRIGHT!!!” I heard myself calmly say, “I’m fine”. We were told to go directly to LDS Hospital, and not stop for anything. As I started the car I said, “Could you please send Catherine a text, telling her to meet me in an hour at LDS Hospital”. We sat quietly in the car, not knowing what to say. I finally said, “It doesn’t seem real does it?” He replied, “It’s like watching a movie”. He sat in the waiting room while I checked him in. “What Is the patient name?” I thought what is she talking about, patient’s name? My son? I heard myself say, ”Jared Larsen”. “And what is he here for?” I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t say those words. The tears uncontrollably flowed down my face. “I can’t say it” finally came out of my mouth. It was almost like if I said it, it would be true. 

I didn’t want it to be true. I wanted it to be a mistake. I hear heard her say, “you’re broken. When you get to the floor ask for a social worker to help you.” “Cancer,” she said. "He’s going to be OK. I’ve had cancer twice, and now I’m all better.” I looked over and saw Catherine was holding Jared. I’ll be alright now I thought. Catherine was always there. She was Jared’s other mother. The next few hours were like a movie, completely surreal. They sent us to LDS Hospital because it has the best Leukemia Center in Utah, one of the best in the Nation. 

As they poked and prodded all he did was thank them. I watched Jared as they did an extremely painful Bone Biopsy. He laid there calmly and never complained. I was so humbled by his strength. I know he was not alone. We had help from both sides of the veil. It was like the Savior carried us through the whole experience. I could not leave his side, I was so grateful they had a couch that pulled out to make a bed. We didn’t sleep very much that night. We just couldn’t believe it. I told Catherine it was like watching a movie. She said next time we should pick a different movie!

Everyone at LDS Hospital was amazing. Looking back at the time he spent there, everything seemed to blur together. One test after another…checking vitals…phone calls. The hardest was telling family members, and keeping them calm. Jared was so close to Aaron and Kristina. Aaron was in Virginia for a six week training session, and had been there for two weeks. Kristina was at BYU Hawaii going to school. Jared kept saying  "I am just so worried about Aaron and Kristina."  Jared had sent Kristina a text. It was difficult to leave Jared to talk on the phone. 

 
I was so grateful when Kristina’s best friend came and was able to talk more to Kristina on the phone. Aaron couldn’t talk on his phone so he was facebooking on his computer. Thank heavens, Kristina and Aaron were helping to support each other. Kristina said to Aaron, “You know Jared could fight this harder than anyone in our family.” Jared has such a strong will. 

Jared          Kathryn

The next day they explained that Jared had Stage 4 Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL). It is a childhood cancer that is very aggressive, but has the highest rate of complete recovery. He would be in the hospital for 4 to 6 weeks. They said once Jared was in remission we would be in and out of the hospital for six months. After that his life would be almost normal for three years, however there would be treatments and he would have to live close to the hospital. He would have an 80% percent of recovery, and a 68% chance of complete recovery (meaning it wouldn’t come back). Jared looked over at me, all he could think of was Brian that fought Leukemia for a year and half, and still died. He had heard how hard it was on the family and left them in financial ruins. Jared said, “I don’t want to put my mother through that. If I don’t do treatments how long do I have?” The doctor said, “You would have two weeks”. The doctor left so we could talk. I said, “Jared we are going to fight. WE ARE GOING TO FIGHT LIKE HELL”. He started treatments immediately.

On Friday January 17, Jared wrote on face book, “My results came in yesterday morning. And I'm in stage 4 of Lymphoma/Leukemia. My mom got a call over the phone telling her to come to the AF Hospital Cancer Center right away. And they sat both my mom and me down and told us the situation. I've been transferred to the LDS Hospital and was told I'll be here for a little while. Yesterday I had Lots of tests and started chemotherapy. Everything has happened so fast. I'm so worried about my friends and family. Please pray for them. Hardest part right now is seeing my mom go through this. I love you all and god bless you.” 


He kept telling me, “We’ll be out of the hospital in three weeks”. I told him we needed to listen to the doctors and that it would probably be 4-6 weeks. He told me I was being negative.

On Friday January 17, Kristina wrote on face book, "So here it goes... I debated posting anything, but after the outpouring of love & prayers along with questions & concerns we've received in the last 24 hours I thought I would thank everyone, as well as let everyone know what's up. If you haven't seen Jared's update, just yesterday morning my baby brother (who is almost 19 years old) was diagnosed with Stage 4 T-Cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. It is a very fast growing cancer and it is currently in his bone marrow and chest. He is currently at LDS hospital in Salt Lake City receiving the best care we could ask for. He will be there for 4-6 weeks 

for an intense regiment of radiation and chemotherapy, which he started last night. After this he will more than likely need a bone marrow transplant, which lucky for us, he has a more than giving & willing brother who is more than likely a perfect match. We didn't foresee any of this coming, I mean, the kid was playing basketball 3 days before being diagnosed--but whoever really does see something like this? Jared's best friend said it best on twitter when he said, 'Cancer... I have one thing to say to you...

Better watch out because my best friend is going to kick your ass.' And he is!! We are all very positive he will beat this. As a family we would like to thank all of our family and great friends--who are just like family in our lives for showing us so much love and support. We have never been more grateful for our faith in the gospel.

We know that faith is not just believing miracles can happen, but faith is to know that valuable lessons are taught when life happens, so we can learn what we need to learn, before the miracles happen. So keep the faith, this one is a fighter and isn't going anywhere! Love you bud!"


On Friday January 19, Jared wrote on face book, “I just want to thank EVERYONE for your Love And Support. I can testify that your prayers are helping more than you know. It's been a tough couple days taking this all in but with the support I've had it's made things 100000x better. You are my motivation. I'm a fighter and I'll show you. God Bless You All."

One night when we had only been there a couple of days, I watched him sleeping. Just a little back-story… I was in a serious car accident almost eleven years ago. My heart stopped at the accident side. The police told my friend’s son I was going to die, they were life fighting me as procedure. Six hour later, and I was stable enough, they shot dye in my heart and there was no damage. The heart surgeon told my friend the only way there could have been that much blood in my chest was heart damage. He said sometimes we see miracles and this is one of those times. Next they said my brain was swelling, and there was blood on my brain. They didn’t know how much damage there was to my brain. The second brain scan was normal. They said my lacerated liver was life threating. I had bruised lungs, a broken rib,

and my index finger was amputated. The jaws of life got my finger when they were getting me out of the car. It took almost three hours. I know I am here as a miracle. So as I watched Jared sleeping I thought, “Do I have enough faith that the Savior could save my son?” I thought, “YES, I DO! I know he could take every Leukemia cell from Jared’s body.” Then a still small voice said, “but do you have enough faith to know Heavenly Father knows what will help Jared learn what he needs to know, and everyone around him what they need to learn?” What exactly did “thy will be done” mean? I knew that meant maybe he wouldn’t get better. How much faith did I really have?  Did I trust my Heavenly Father enough to say those words and mean them?  Could I place my sons life in his hands, believing that Heavenly Father loves him more then I am even capable of?  Did I understand it takes far more love to let go than to hang on? I realized it is easy to believe Heavenly Father will miraculously take away our challenges, and do it our way. When we face a major life challenge, we have to search our soul for everything we’ve ever learned. Life biggest battles are fought within the chambers of our soul.

The next day I was driving home and I remembered that it is healthy to "let it out." As I drove down the freeway I screamed as loud as I could for about 3 seconds. The voice said, “So, do you feel any better?” I thought, “No”. I tried again. Again the voice said, “Do you feel any better?”  I thought, “No."  How do I feel better? It’s when I feel peace. I feel peace when I turn everything over to God. When I believe He loves me enough that He will do what is best for Jared and me. ” Someone said it like this, “When you turn it over to the Lord, the miracle happens and the miracle is peace”. I called Kristina and said, “please just talk to me while I drive home, so I won’t have scary thoughts.” Jared called and said his friend was staying at the hospital so I could sleep at home that night.

The next morning everything started to make sense. It was like a giant puzzle coming together. So many things that I had been through had happened to prepare our family for this. I had been so mad at Jared for asking for this. I finally understood that Jared had Leukemia before he asked for it. He didn’t get it because he asked for it. His spirit knew he had it. I think long before this lifetime, Jared saw part of the big picture. I think Jared knew it was the best way for him to learn what he needed, and what his family needed to learn. It reminded me of the Savor praying in Gethsemane. When he prayed, “saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.” I realized It was Jared’s way of saying, “thy will be done”.

On Sunday, January 19, Lisa wrote on face book, "Right now in life. My role model is my little brother Jared. He's been faced with this huge challenge in life, and he just keeps moving forward! What an inspiration he is to me!" 

Jared was touching everyone that came to visit, or that read his post online.

On Tuesday, January 21, Megan wrote on face book, “I love this guy.  He is so kind and he always makes me smile. He is one of the strongest people I know. Cancer, you are messing with the wrong guy. This one's a fighter.” 

On Tuesday, January 21, Jared wrote on face book, "My Friends ordered 300 Orange Wristbands that say "This Ones A Fighter" , my name, and Cancer Ribbon logo. If you want one let me know!"

On Wednesday, January 22, Britni wrote on face book, “It was so good seeing you today. You are incredible! Your attitude is amazing...as people talked to you today you shut down any negativity at all that was said. Your positivity will take you far!! You will be out of that hospital in no time! Hope you're feeling a little better. Thanks for changing my perspective in life today. You amaze me!!"

On Wednesday, January 22, Jared wrote on face book, "Seeing family and friends visit me is helping the recovery process more then chemotherapy to me. Seeing all your smiles is MEDICATION. I couldn't be more blessed right now with all the support and love that's been shown to me and my family. You ALL motivate me EVERYDAY to not complain and to be positive about this situation. "Pain Is Temporary, Quitting Lasts Forever."