The Effects of a Crisis

Last night Nate asked Jared, “Are you going to the gym with Aaron and I?  Jared’s reply sent a pain through my heart, “I can’t, I spent all day getting chemo”. They were going to work out and play basketball.  Two things Jared loves to do. They headed out the door excited, even though Aaron had just worked for 12 hours. Jared slowly climbed the stairs and landed in bed. He never complained, not even when I brought him his stack of pills.

The night before Lisa and I went on a Beto’s for a Jared food run. We were laughing and just being silly. A fire engine and paramedic’s came roaring by, we both went silent. “Is it still had for you to hear sirens”, Lisa asked. The mood in the car had in an instant gone completely quiet and serous. I replied, “I can’t remember only a glimpse of my accident. Even the glimpse is foggy, and full of confusion. I do remember asking what happened. I can’t remember the pain. I know it took over two hours to get me out of the car. I know I died, and they had to shock me to start my heart. I know they thought I would most likely die. But I can’t remember. When I still hear a siren and see the lights, I feel so scared. I don’t usually sob any more, but sometimes I cry. Inside I feel really scared, and I start worry about who’s hurt. Is it a mother with small children? Will she live? Yes, it will always be hard for me! I know somewhere I remember it all.

I remember the pain, the confusion, and the panic to save my life. I must remember, because the feeling of panic returns so strong even after eleven years.” Lisa also has her memories that flow with the sirens and lights. She remembers getting that horrible Life Flight take call saying I was to LDS Hospital. They had first asked if her father was home. She explained her parents were divorced. They suggested she call someone to stay with her and the other three kids. Kristina called her dad and told him what they heard. She asked him to come and be with them. All night he slept on the couch downstairs, while two terrified 12-year-old girls wondered what they could do upstairs. They tried to figure out how they could stay in our home and raise they two younger bothers. Catherine called and gave Chuck, my ex-husband, hourly updates after 4am. Chuck just wanted to know how soon Catherine could take the kids, cause he had to get to work.  Even on the long drive to Catherine’s house there were no comforting words. He had not even told the children there was no heart damage, and things were looking promising. He was only concerned about being late for work. How could a father not hold his children and comfort them. How could he look into their terrified eyes, and not want to help them? Catherine said he showed no signs of concern it was just anger over being late for a normal day at work. Catherine said all four children were terrified. They thought she was going to tell them I died, or was going to die. She told them everything she had been telling Chuck since 4 a.m.. She held them, dried their tears, and told them it would be all right. She said their mood changed and they were off to play. I feel so sorry for Chuck. He had never been close to the kids. I didn’t know of anyone he was close to. It is very sad! I guess that’s why Jared refers to Chuck as his stepfather, and Dan (my husband), as his father.

Dan and I got married about eight months after my accident. With heavy hearts Lisa and I expressed how the sirens made us feel inside. It was a night that changed all of our lives. It was the night we received our greatest miracle. Heavenly Father healed my broken heart, my broken head, and my lacerated live; so I could raise these four children. It was the miracle that prepared us for now. Now we pray for Jared. What will Jared remember from this three and a half year battling for his life? Someone told me after my accident, “How someone handles a crisis shows what the person is really like. Like how do they treat those trying to help them? How do they treat their loved ones? Are they angry and bitter? Or with a grateful hearts do they learn life’s greatest lessons? Each one of us will face times of crisis, it’s part life. The question is what will we do with it? We need to also be kind to our self in the crisis, because we are not perfect. So sometimes we will lose it, and that’s O.K.. Losing it is not the problem; it’s what we do after losing it. We also have to remember something’s we will never get over; like my reaction to sirens, police light, and helicopters.

I have been diagnosed with Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I got this from my second marriage and my accident. I found it interesting that women in America suffer PTSD than men. I’m sure Jared will have he’s panic moments. However in the future when Jared feels up to exercising or playing basketball, he will be more grateful, and love it even more. The question that helped me decide how I would handle my accident recovery was, “How do I want my children to face crisis?” I knew they were watching, and learning by example. My accident prepared my family for Jared’s leukemia. It was my pay off for being strong.

It showed them how to deal with crisis. I look around at different people deal with crisis. There are many different ways. The important thing is to deal with crisis in a way that will make you a better person. If you choose to use to deal with a crisis in a negative way, that can become a much bigger crisis! If it continues, it could set off the domino’s effect. If that happens, you multiply your crisis. I have found that in a crisis when you choose to handle it in the best way you can, everyone thinks you’re so strong. What they don’t realize is it much easier in the whole big picture. The best time to prepare and decide how we are going to face crisis, is now!