So Grateful!

On June 8, Jared wrote on Facebook: 

This past hospital visit 4 doctors sat down beside my bed and talked to me about my upcoming treatments and one of the doctors told me the next chemo I'm about to start has high potential of giving me another blood clot in my head except this time my chances of making it through aren't very high. After hearing that it really made me think about life and how blessed I've been. To me I have the GREATEST family and friends that support me and help me everyday of my life. #Family #Friends #Cancer #StayWithMe

Last night at 11:45 Jared told me he wanted a MRI. His headache was getting worse, and they felt like the blood clot headache. I called LDS Hospital, and they told me to take Jared to the closest hospital to get a CAT Scan immediately. With Jared’s history of blood clots, we didn’t want to take a chance. It was a very scary night for me. I kept remembering Jared telling me that Dr. Petersen said if he had another blood clot it would be fatal. They gave Jared strong medication for the pain, and his nausea. The medication completely put Jared to sleep. It seemed like hours passed waiting for some news. I kept think maybe Jared misunderstood Dr. Petersen. How could they know for sure the next blood clot would kill him?

I was so scared. Once Jared was asleep I started to cry. Heavenly Father is always teaching us! I thought I must have faith! Not faith Jared will get better no matter what. But faith that a loving Father knows what is best in the eternal view. I was so relieved when they told me it was a sinus infection. It is so amazing that what we are grateful for depends on our view. I never knew how happy I could be that my child has a sinus infection! It seems that when we start feeling too comfortable, its time for a new lesson. Sometimes I just wish I didn’t need to learn so much! We got to the AF Hospital before midnight, and got home around 6 am. It was a very very very long night! We had to be at LDS Hospital at 11am for more labs. I was grateful for a couple of hours of sleep! All the way home my heart hurt so bad, with fear, I didn’t know how I could make it through the day. I was grateful I got an afternoon nap. I realized I have to let myself feel what I’m feeling, even when it hurts. I’m learning I can’t be strong all the time. I’m learning God understands and love us even when we are weak and tired. I learned I need to love myself when I’m weak and tired. This time the labs were good, so we don’t need to get any labs until this Wednesday.  We are grateful that we get the labs at the AF Hospital on Wednesday! I learned it’s harder to have faith when we don’t get enough sleep. I am so grateful for all of you that pray for Jared! I am so grateful for my understanding of a loving Father in Heaven.