Good Days, Bad Days

Somedays Jared feels almost normal, but other times he feels sick and weak. Sometimes he encouraged, but other times he’s not. I guess it like living life magnified. One day he wins his brother at basketball, but then next day, he can’t even play. We have been doing chemo at home three times a week. Tonight is our last night. It’s a long slow, slow, slow road! It’s hurry up and wait. It’s never knowing what is happening next. When running you have different kinds of races. The ones where you run as fast as you can the whole time, or the long runs for endurance. Those are the ones you don’t run your hardest until the very end.

To win those races you have to pace your self, and use self control. That is what this feels like. When you’re live in a crisis you can be strong, like the short fast race. However being strong for years not know for sure the outcome is more difficult. It’s a three-year marathon, and you have to pace yourself. Sometimes we wish we knew what our future is going to be, but sometimes I think it would be easier if Jared didn’t know his next forty months.

It would be easier not to have to wait forty months to hear the words “cancer free”. I think the way we will make it through is to remind ourselves everyday what we are grateful for. It makes me realize the best way to make it through everyday challenges. When I was going through me second divorce, I was scared about how I was going to support four kids. One day our hot water heater broke, and flooded our basement floor. The kids and I went down to mop up the basement floor. Kristina said, “I know what we should do.

Let’s think of all the things we are grateful for, like we have a house to mop up the basement floor”. Sometimes I feel humble being their Mother. It reminds me of the saying that says, “While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life’s all about”. I know one thing for sure; I’ve learned far more being a mother, than being a child. 

Jared

Aaron         Jared         Lisa         Kristina