H.O.P.E.

Friday July 25

Monday night, July 21, Jared went to the American Fork ER, for chest pains, and shortness of breath. It was very scary, because he is at high risk for blood clots. I was so concerned there might be one in his heart, which would be sent to his brain, and could be fatal. After a CAT scan, an ultrasound, x-rays, and lots of other tests, we were told it was not a blood clot. We were so grateful to hear it was not a blood clot, that pancreatitis didn’t sound so bad. They heavily medicated him to help with the extreme pain he was in. He was sent by ambulance to LDS Hospital! The next morning Jared asked how he got here, cause everything was a little fuzzy. So Jared got to go in an ambulance, but he can’t remember all of his exciting experience. He was in incredible pain. They are trying to control the pain, keep it between 4 & 5. They hooked (what we call a magic box) into the port in his chest that continually feeds him pain medication. It is wonderful for keeping control of the pain, especially for someone like Jared, who hates taking medication. There are no other treatments for pancreatitis, except controlling the pain and getting lots of rest. He can’t eat or drink anything either, not even ice chips. We aren’t sure how long we will be here this time, most likely Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. Jared is doing a lot of sleeping. Last night Jared started feeling better, and so he feels really hungry (he hasn’t eaten since 2pm on Monday). It’s sad to see Jared so hungry, but just like everything else; we know he will push through this too. 

Saturday Aug

Jared got out of the hospital Monday. It was a very long and difficult week. He was in more pain than he experienced with the blood clot. It was kind of funny; when he was on so much pain medication he was fast to share more than he was aware he was sharing. One Night Kristina and I couldn’t believe everything he was saying. I finally said, “Well that was more info than I needed to hear”. We had to giggle, because he was really funny. A couple of days later I repeated some of the things he told us. He didn’t believe me at first, and was a little embarrassed. However Jared loves to shock us, and watch our reactions. This time he didn’t mean to, and he didn’t even enjoy our reaction because he was so heavily medicated. They let him come home when he was still in pain, but he had been off the pain medication for two days. He insisted on driving home. We stopped at a red light, but the car in front of us stalled. Jared pulled up to the car, and said, “Do you need help?” The man assured us he knew what the problem was and the car would start in a minute. I was so touched by Jared, I cried all the way home. I wondered what the man would think, if he knew the young man who asked if he needed help, has in cancer remission and had just been released from the hospital after being deathly ill for a week. Sometimes we learn more from our children than our children learn from us.  He went to work twice this week. He just wants to get on with his life! On Monday we met with the radiation Doctor. This month Jared will be going through 10 days of radiation. Sounds scary! However the doctor said it’s very low doses, and it help his chances of complete recovery.

Going through this experience with Jared has taught me more about faith than any other experience I have been through. Just when I think I have a better understanding of faith, it is tried again. Again I ask myself the same questions about faith, but the answers involve and change. It is difficult to put into words what I have learned, because I cannot put into words everything I’ve learned about what I feel. I have learned what sometimes we can only learn when we face our greatest fears, and humbly put what is the most precious to us in our fathers hands believing he knows it will teach us what we need to learn here on earth. He loves us so much that even when we make mistakes, if we turn to him we will learn and grow.  I think of our ancestors crossing the plains with handcarts. I wonder about their faith. If it were all about having enough faith to move mountains, than there would be a path with no mountains. There would be no graves scared along that path. All along the path there would have been fresh water streams, with deer and buffalo. Their experiences taught them and their posterity. Our family is learning what we need to learn, from a loving teacher. Faith helps us learn what we need to learn.

Jared Larsen July 29 via Instagram Through all my struggles I know good will come from it all. Hope gives me life after pain. #Hope #ImAlmostDone #CancerSucks